Sunday, February 1, 2009

Pet Peeves

According to Vos Iz Neias, slow walkers on city sidewalks top the list of New Yorker's pet peeves. I have a random list of my own, which in no particular order is as follows.

I can't stand it when I answer the the phone and get a recorded message telling me to please stay on the line for an important message. It the message is so important, then stay on the phone and say it yourself ! I always hang up on such calls.

It really annoys me when I pick up the phone and someone says "Who's this?" I always throw the question right back at them. If anyone dares to ask me again "Who's this?" then I hang up on them.

I dislike it when someone criticises my behavior and holds them self up as a role model. I take special pleasure in offending such people.

Someone once asked me why I was listening to a particular song.
"It's about two years old." the person complained.
Old fruit goes bad. Old music does not.

Fanatic health nuts make me sick. My favourite luncheonette had a sign on the wall. "Thank you for smoking." I used to smoke for fourteen years. I like the smell. It gives me a buzz. But it was killing me. If I had not given it up, I would probably be dead. But that is my discovery and my business. Smokers have an energy and drive to them. So do ex smokers. I believe there is a smoker's personality.

I can't stand people who badger you to drink when you really really don't want to. I once told someone to fill my glass up but turned it up side down so it would only hold a few drops.

It's been years since I had this problem but people who badger you to smoke weed (marijuana) annoy the hell out of me. I don't like it smoked anywhere near me. It smells like burning automobile tires.

It annoys me to no end when I buy a huge box that has about a handful of cereal. Or a bag of potato chips that is filled with air and has about six chips in it.

Credit cards. Don't get me going about credit cards. They charge you fifteen bucks to make a payment by phone. They charge loan shark rates and then they have you talk with a "relationship specialist" who lives overseas and probably earns about $200.00 a month.

I do not appreciate it when someone who speaks English as a second language tells me that American's don't speak real English. They can't speak it themselves and they're looking at me?

When a stranger asks me a question on the street I do not like it if they reach into their pockets. Someone once pulled a gun on me doing that. Since then, I reserve the right to use physical force against anyone who stops me and reaches into their pocket. Thanks to Mayor Bloomberg's wasting time with transfat, the crime that once fed such fear and paranoia is coming back.

I have a theory about natural foods. Since all food is subject to the laws of nature, all food is natural. The term "natural" is not an automatic sell with me. Tell me something specific about the product.

I have nothing against people talking on cell phones on the bus. If two people are talking, I don't care how many are present. The only thing that bothers me is if nobody is there and someone is talking. Because that means I 'm nuts.

I have nothing against commercials on radio or TV. If someone is paying for my movie, they have a right to tell me.

But how is it that commercials can make you want to buy stuff, but the shows that are paid for with commercials supposedly don't influence behavior? You can't have it both ways.

Our money is getting prettier and it's worth less. Our stamps are getting prettier and our postal service is worse than ever.

My last peeve is fish sticks. When I was little, I was crazy about them. They used to be pure fish. I can't stand fish sticks today. I refuse to call them fish sticks. I call them fish flavoured mashed potatoes. Because that's what they are.

I could go on and on about what annoys me. But eventually I would start talking about politics. And that might annoy you. Hey, that's life. Everyone's entitled to my opinion.

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