Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Short Takes :Family Attacked By Demented Kangaroo Church Comes Out in Favour of World Hunger

A family sleeping peacefully in its house in Canberra, Australia was set upon by a demented kangaroo. Breitbart News reports as follows.

CANBERRA (Reuters) - An Australian couple thought they were being attacked by an intruder when a kangaroo crashed through their bedroom window and started jumping on them.

"My initial thought, when I was half awake, was it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window. It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in," Beat Ettlin told local media Monday.

The three-meter (9 feet) kangaroo smashed through the window in Ettlin's Canberra home Sunday night.

While Ettlin and his wife and young daughter took refuge under the blankets, the injured kangaroo jumped on top of them, gouging holes in the furniture and smearing blood all over the walls, said the Australian Associated Press.

The next thing Ettlin heard was his 10-year-old son Leighton screaming from his bed: "There's a 'roo in my room!'"

Ettlin, a 42-year-old chef, wrestled the bleeding kangaroo, got it into a headlock and dragged it out the front door. The kangaroo disappeared into bushes.

I always thought that kangaroos were so cute and cuddly. The more I learn about the animal kingdom, the more I like to stay at a distance from them. First there was the story about the monkey that disfigured and almost killed a woman he had known for years. That totally demolished my image of monkeys as friends. I like the idea of keeping wild animals at a respectful distance. At least the demented kangaroo didn't maim anyone.

There is a lot more hidden nastiness out there in the animal kingdom. The male duckbill platypus actually has poison claws in its hind legs.

Despite all the scary animals running around, I still worry more about humans. I am a lot more nervous about an AK 47 or Bernard Madoff than I am afraid of a duckbill platypus. Speaking of Bernard Madoff, wouldn't it be a great idea to put a psychotic chimpanzee under house arrest in his apartment?

Pope Benedict is planning a visit to Cameroon Breitbart News reports as follows.

YAOUNDE (Reuters) - Cameroonian security forces have smashed up the street stalls, where thousands of people earn a living, to give the capital Yaounde a face-lift for a visit by Pope Benedict next week.

The papal visit has taken on the dimensions of a national disaster for countless small shopkeepers whose livelihood was destroyed so the Papal visit would look good on camera. Breitbart News continues as follows.

"My 10 years of investments have been ruined. I don't know now what to do to survive," wailed Mariane Ngoupendji on Monday when she found her typing and printing shop reduced to rubble.

"Will the Pope's visit replace what I've lost?" she said.

Ngoupendji, 43, collapsed weeping to the ground as youths pulled pieces of corrugated iron, girders and planks from the ruins, hoping to sell them or use them to build elsewhere.

Many people make their living through informal stalls or boutiques, selling everything from imported electrical goods to local produce in a country where millions of people live in poverty even though it boasts one of Africa's biggest economies.

But authorities say the stalls, ranging from simple wooden shelves to secure lock-ups built with steel and concrete, are an eye-sore and began to tear them down last week. No compensation will be offered, the government said.

What it all boils down to is the idea that poor people are eye sores. It's fine to have well picked healthy faces for scripted photo ops.

A standard papal speech calls for eliminating hunger and promoting economic justice. These words ring rather hollow in light of the preparations for Pope Benedict's visit. It would be less injurious to Cameroonian shop keepers if Pope Midas XIV were to issue an encyclical in support of world hunger and oppression.

What is worse for a Cameroonian shop keeper? Would he prefer a tropical storm named Benedict cutting a swath of destruction? Or would he prefer a whirwind papal visit? In practical terms, what's the difference?

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