Tuesday, December 22, 2009

See Spot. See Spot Destroy the Planet

We all know that SUV's need to be wiped out. We all know that the earth needs 4 billion less people . Who is the latest criminal class in the trail of "carbon footprints" on our beautiful planet? Pet owners. That's right. Pet owners are destroying our beautiful planet.

Agence France Presse reports as follows on the latest trends from the "environmentally aware", none of whom appear ready to assume room temperature to fight global warming, climate change, or whatever the current phrase is for ragging on multicellular creatures.

"Man's best friend could be one of the environment's worst enemies, according to a new study which says the carbon pawprint of a pet dog is more than double that of a gas-guzzling sports utility vehicle.

But the revelation in the book "Time to Eat the Dog: The Real Guide to Sustainable Living" by New Zealanders Robert and Brenda Vale has angered pet owners who feel they are being singled out as troublemakers.

The Vales, specialists in sustainable living at Victoria University of Wellington, analysed popular brands of pet food and calculated that a medium-sized dog eats around 164 kilos (360 pounds) of meat and 95 kilos of cereal a year.

Combine the land required to generate its food and a "medium" sized dog has an annual footprint of 0.84 hectares (2.07 acres) -- around twice the 0.41 hectares required by a 4x4 driving 10,000 kilometres (6,200 miles) a year, including energy to build the car."

Now it has come to the fact that every creature is being measured for environmental impact. First it was smokestacks. That was sensible. There are ways not to pollute the atmosphere when creating industrial goods, heat or electricity. I have no problem with questioning automobile design or energy sources. There is nothing wrong with extending thrift to the environment.

But who is the earth for? Knock off four billion people for the health of the earth, but be sure to choose the right ones to consign to oblivion. I'll be first to go. With my lactose intolerance, I am a major offender in the global warming department. My carbon footprint is about 13 EEE. Now its pets. Even little cats are offenders. AFP continues.

"Cats have an eco-footprint of about 0.15 hectares, slightly less than driving a Volkswagen Golf for a year, while two hamsters equates to a plasma television and even the humble goldfish burns energy equivalent to two mobile telephones."

What are we coming to? We need to revert to one celled organisms! They have tiny carbon footprints! But some of them produce gas. So we have to kill off four billion humans, all those evil carnivorous dogs and cats, our hamsters and our goldfish. Then we have to disinfect the earth. What is the most efficient way to do this?

North Korea and Iran are developing nuclear weapons. North Korea is also helping out by starving its surplus population. Maybe its all part of the latest wisdom from Copenhagen, where everything from SUVs to cats and dogs to flatulent bloggers and Korean peasants will all clear the way for the NEW WORLD ORDER, in which trees and amoeba will cavort and frolic in idyllic bliss, just as soon as the nuclear haze clears up. I can hardly wait for these people to save my planet. But for what?

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